My Memory Is Trash

90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way Reunion
We’ve been simply INUNDATED with 90 Day Fiancé content lately. So much so that I simply had to take to my personal blog (for free) and express my truth. 

There was a “The Other Way” reunion a few weeks back, but it was boring and, frankly, my memory has been too butchered by drugs to recall the details. (Getting sober doesn’t improve your memory, unfortunately.) Actually, wait, Jenny and Sumit were cute. I guess we Americans truly can’t understand the magnitude of the arranged marriage thing in India. This is crazy, but I maybe think they’re soulmates? 

The catalyst that drove me to my personal blog was the encyclopedic “Before The 90 Days” reunion from this past Sunday and Monday evenings. Four hours of television! How presumptuous of TLC to assume that I had that kind of time to dedicate to this show…. But they were right. I did.

Overall, I think TLC went cheap for this reunion. They had almost all (except Tom) of the foreign partners Skype in instead of being in the studio. What’s wrong: you can’t afford a few flights from Kenya? Shiiit. 

This paragraph probably makes no sense. The screens the Skyped in on reminded me of that thing that that one tech company tried to roll out a few years ago. I think it was Facebook and I think it was a head on a screen that moved around and was activated by voice control. I think it was featured in New York Magazine, but I’ve done some Google Image searching and I can’t verify my thoughts. Try it - you can usually remember shit by google imaging like one piece of your thought.

Here’s how the couples moved me.

Darzy & Tom
Oof, what a shitshow. Yikes, I feel for Darzy. She has a big heart and even says, “I just want someone to love on.” That’s it! And then our shitty, misogynist culture insinuates that she’s a crazy woman. Women with emotions are NOT crazy. Listen, I figured it out a few weeks ago on my podcast, that we’re just hungry!!! Think about it. Society tells us to be skinny. We don’t eat all day because we are trying to be thin. Not eating fucks with your head, makes you have a swirly brain and stuff, and then you feel crazy. ERGO, we’re not crazy, just hungry. 

This is my personal soapbox.

The fucking shit just keeps getting piled on to Darzy. Then they bring in Tom’s sister, Emma, who basically mocks her to her face. Meanwhile, this bitch is out here rocking SQUARE GLASSES. You don’t get to be smug and arrogant (even if you’re British) with ugly glasses. You just don’t. 

THEN, TLC brings in Jesse for literally NO REASON. He wasn’t even on this season! The only purpose he serves is to further perpetuate this shitty narrative that Darcy is crazy. Ugh, this poor girl! She constantly has to face her abuser over and over again. I HATE that TLC facilitates that. I think it’s wrong and I think that we should condemn them for retraumatizing her.

So Emma shits on Darcy for her drinking, which Jesse has done in the past. I dismissed it previously as Jesse being a controlling little knob, but since Emma is saying it, maybe there’s some truth to it. I hate to call people out on their drinking (unless they’re on Bravo,) but I think we should all be vigilant of Darcy’s alcohol intake.

But, also, of course? If the entire country thought you were a crazy bitch, I’d love to see how you coped with that stress. 

Avery & Omar
See, okay, I don’t even know when to talk about this Jesse elephant in the green room. I think we’ll discuss when we get to Angela.

Avery is a sweet child. I wish that she would consider the repercussions of investing so much into her relationship with Omar before she gets in any deeper. The truth is: it may be completely impossible for them to safely be together and that just might be the reality.

I love the clip package of Avery’s wedding because I like seeing her in that little brown robe, like Yoda or an elf (except I don’t know the reference because I’m not into that shit.)

Rebecca & Zied
Rebecca did a good job in this episode! Zied sucks. I’d forgotten that until we went back and talked about his little fit when Rebecca showed her tattoos in the club. He’s definitely just using her for a green card. And also! I forgot about Rebecca’s tattoos. She has full sleeves. WE STAN. 

Another thing that reaffirmed my love for her is the way that she defends Avery later in the episode. We’ll get to that, but Rebecca is dope.

Ben & Akyini
It’s confirmed: Ben and Akyini are boring. Ben is the grilled cheese of reality show cast members. He’s fine. He’s reliable. He’ll always be good. But is he an interesting choice? No. As Akyini’s brother, Fidel, even mentions, he’s just average. 

This dowry thing is wild. Just wild. Are we sure it’s not human trafficking? Like, you’re literally paying for another person. How is that legal? 

Sidenote: I’m ALL OVER TikTok lately. I know what you’re saying, “But Sue, you’re in your 30s!” True. Also true? I’ve loved reality television since the Real World premiered in the 90s. I will consume this delicate art in all its forms, on any channel. (YouTube, TLC, Bravo, A&E, even TikTok.) The more unpolished and unproduced, the better. And TikTok is the most unpolished of them all. And that’s why it’s better than Instagram and most other social platforms right now.

What is it? Great question. It’s basically a lip-syncing app that may or may not be monitored by the Chinese government. It used to be called Musical.ly and it’s similar to Vine. Just short snippets of daily lives. I mention it here because I came across a disturbing TikTok last night. A young boy, with braces, who could be 15 or 19, hard to say, is making out with a guy in his 50s. I consumed the rest of the boy’s content (because of course I did) and realized that the guy is his sugar daddy. And it’s like, probably illegal. But also similar to paying for humans/and the bride price thing… Ooops, that was a bummer.

Also, if you are going to dive in, I suggest checking out a user named CandyKen. His content is fucking bizarre. He’s a straight man who basically dresses like a Hello Kitty clown.

Okay, last thing about these two snooze buttons. When Ben leaves the TLC studio, he carries his clothes loose. Just in his hands! No bag! Like, is he getting on the subway with an armful of clothes? That’s so gross and weird. What kind of psychopath doesn’t at least throw his shit into a CVS bag? Maybe there’s more to Benjamin than we think!

Angela & Michael
ANGELA IS BONKERS. Utterly bonkers! That’s an undeniable fact. I mean, we suspected it before, but now it’s proven. I like… don’t know where to start! She’s so quick to fly off the handle and attack Avery for being rude to Jesse in the green room, which strikes me as very rooted in internalized misogyny. She doesn’t attack Tim, who does the same thing, and she doesn’t hold Jesse accountable for his actions. Instead, she fully LASHES OUT at Avery, who is a CHILD. Her anger is real, it’s visceral, and it is why Donald Trump got elected President.

She also doesn’t respect Avery outright because of the fact that she has grandkids who may be similar in age. (I don’t feel like googling her.) The thing is, and this is hard to get used to in the workplace, there are people who are younger than you. In the world. They exist! Two jobs ago, I worked as a copywriter and my art director was fully ten years younger than me (maybe more). I couldn’t get used to taking direction from her and it made me miserable. At my last job, one of my co-workers was ten years younger than me, and very much into the Jonas Brothers and Harry Potter. But was she smart? Yes. Did I trust her cultural opinions and taste? Absolutely not.

What I’m saying is that young people might have poor judgment, but you should still respect them, I guess. I didn’t mock her about her love of the Jonas Brothers. I just casually subtweeted her for a few months until I got fired. Win some, lose some.

Also, Angela was on Maury multiple times and it shows.

Tim & Jennifer
I like Tim. He has a calm energy and doesn’t hesitate to call the other cast members on their bullshit. Also, I just hate this thing of using “gay” and “pussy” as derogatory terms!! I HATE IT! So what if he’s a pussy? Yeah, he is a strong, capable organ that can create ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE.

Cesar & Maria
Before we get started, I want to say one thing. I think denim jackets indoors are weird. Like, as part of your outfit. (Ceasar is wearing one, that’s what made me think of it.) Two jobs ago, I had a coworker (bless her heart) who left a denim jacket at her desk as, like, her office cardigan, and I always thought that was strange. It’s an outdoor thing. Now, do I wear a denim jacket with a dress almost every day? Yes. So am I contradicting myself? Absolutely.

Finally, we meet Maria. She lives! Maria is arguably the biggest scammer in the history of 90 Day Fiancé. In her clip package, we see she and her friends sitting at brunch, talking about all the guys they chat with. In her confessional, she smirks and tries to get the producer to laugh. She’s clearly a sociopath. She doesn’t think of Ceasar as an actual person or consider the consequences of her actions AT ALL.

TLC must be paying that girl to Skype into the reunion because you KNOW she doesn’t do anything for free! We find out that Ceasar has given her $40K over the course of five years. FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. That is literally insane, especially for a nail technician.

And also, he still sent her money after Mexico. What the actual fuck, Ceasar?! SHE IS SCAMMING YOU! Listen to Tim. He speaks my language.

Then, we find out that Ceasar kept the ring, edible panties, and the whip, which is honestly TMI but I can’t believe he toted all of those panties back to the US. Imagine going through customs with them? “My girlfriend is hungry and doesn’t have access to a Victoria’s Secret.”

We then see footage of Ceasar in a suit, saying he loves Maria… He looks good, but his tie is so tiny! It’s so freakin’ small. This guy just can’t do anything right.

Ceasar also says this is his last chance at love and that Maria is his first love. Those are big emotions, but I don’t think either one is true. First, he was married for like over 20 years to his high school sweetheart, so maybe he’s projecting those emotions onto Maria. Second, it’s NEVER anyone’s last chance at love and that is NOT a good reason to stay in a relationship! You have truly no idea what the future holds.

Okay, that’s it for me, you guys. Just a few final thoughts. Are we watching Unpolished? I got sucked in with a long trailer a few weeks ago and it looks pretty good! I love a stereotypical Long Island moment.

Also, leave Shaun Robinson alone! The Internet has been coming for her hard, but it’s a tough job and she has to ask difficult questions. It’s okay if she isn’t warm. WOMEN DON’T HAVE TO BE WARM.

A new season starts this weekend with fresh couples and my itchy little TV brain can’t wait!